Stupid candies. They don't count as food but I shouldn't be sucking on them. It's just so hard. I WANT to eat. I'm not hungry at all. I'm looking forward to being skinny AND able to eat again....so tonight i'm going to whole foods and getting a huge thing of cranberry juice and flaxseed oil. And I'm going to start the treadmill tomorrow. This weight is going to be GONE damnit.
Scale: 144.6
Friday, October 26, 2007
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Day 14
Tonight at 6pm signals eactly 2 weeks of not eating. I feel kind of sluggish today. Dove into my bible last night but what I ot out of it:
- Seek wisdom and knowledge, they're most important and will lead to a prosperous life.
- Keep God in mind pertaining to everything.
So. The first one pertains to knowledge and wisdom in general, but also that I should read the Bible more. ANd the second, clearly haven't been including God in all aspects of my life.
Scale: 145.6. I've decided I want to be signed with Ford Atlanta, and get the Abercrombie campaign. Those are my goals for this year. :)
As of tomorrow I'm going to start adding ACV, Cranberry Juice, Flaxseed Oil, and Lemon Juice to my fast. They're "fat flushers" and I'm going to try and do 45-1hour of cardio per day (cardio being walking on the treadmill at a slow pace without any resistance.)
34-26-38 WHOMP WHOMP. If my butt would just go away!
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Day 13
Weight: Still 146.4.
I feel like I've reached a plateau. That's no fun. I want the weight to go away, I'm not eating anything, leave me!!! lol.
Right now I would like to eat...but I'm not hungry. But it's not like the crazy cravings a week ago, it's more of a mild "Yes I know you're not going to eat, but please feed me."
I went to Whole Foods and gauged all the stuff I'm going to buy after the fast is over. Can you believe its been 13 days?
But still...gained a bunch of info...off to class.
I feel like I've reached a plateau. That's no fun. I want the weight to go away, I'm not eating anything, leave me!!! lol.
Right now I would like to eat...but I'm not hungry. But it's not like the crazy cravings a week ago, it's more of a mild "Yes I know you're not going to eat, but please feed me."
I went to Whole Foods and gauged all the stuff I'm going to buy after the fast is over. Can you believe its been 13 days?
But still...gained a bunch of info...off to class.
Days 11 & 12
I'm getting awful at my pledge to write everyday, but work and school have been killing me. My boss needs to understand that the days I'm OFF....I'm OFF.
Day 11 weight: 147
Day 12 weight: 146.4
Lame. Day 11 I felt good, and all happy, overall there's a sense of well being. The cravings come and go but not nearly as intense as before!
Day 11 weight: 147
Day 12 weight: 146.4
Lame. Day 11 I felt good, and all happy, overall there's a sense of well being. The cravings come and go but not nearly as intense as before!
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Days 9 & 10
I didn't write yesterday because it was homecoming, but this is the gist:
I was annoyed all day. Between starting my period at 2am, a friend constantly calling/texting for stupid shit, being poked and prodded for attention all day, and having guys be super disrespectful....I was seriously irritated.
So by the end of the day I was soooooooooooooooooo annoyed that I wanted comfort food. And I made a conscious decision to eat shitty food. Then I spent an hour on the phone with Starr thinking about the ramifications of my action. She continuously asked, "So you eat, and then what?"
I don't know.
In the end I cried because before the fast I was constantly thinking about NOT eating, and now that I'm not eating, I was constantly thinking about eating and craving all bad food. Do you see how fucking annoying that is? Add my period AND a day of irritation and I was just in a bad mental state.
Granted, the website says that thinking is completely ridiculous and not to be trusted, and my heart was also swelling and taunting, "Yeah, bitch. Try to eat. See what happens." And I knew that deep down in my heart of hearts there was no way I was going to touch a morsel of food.
The spiritual side of me was correct. In the war of spiritual vs. flesh, spiritual kicked ass. Flesh hasn't said shit since.
The cravings are still there a LITTLE, but not at all like they've been for the past couple of days. I think I've reached that "zone" and "silence." It's nice. All I'm thinking about is this essay.
Temptation comes at me all the time, but I'm learning that there is more than meets me the eye. I don't need all that crap, I've had it before, and that's why I'm in the predicament I'm in now. And I'm really looking forward to eating all those bad things healthily! (Like waffles...I can't wait to buy my own waffle iron and go get some whole grain pancake mix and make blueberry whole grain waffles and pancakes. With organic butter and syrup! Or whole grain muffins with organic butter and syrup. And salmon. And tasty chicken. And steamed veggies with yummy spices. See...I can eat well and bad.)
So...now it's jut getting to the end of the fast. Clearly I won't be eating. I'll most likely decide when the best time is to break the fast as the days wear on. My short term goal is 21 days, but 30 days if I can make it. I definitely think I can make it.
I'm so happy today. After that break down last night I just feel uplifted like I can do ANYTHING. And it totally rocks. Today it was gorgeous outside!! They planted purple flowers in the median of the highway and they were gorgeous. Such a clear day. And it felt amazing outside.
So...yipppee!! Off to my essay.
Day 9 scale: 149.4
Day 10 scale: 147.0
I was annoyed all day. Between starting my period at 2am, a friend constantly calling/texting for stupid shit, being poked and prodded for attention all day, and having guys be super disrespectful....I was seriously irritated.
So by the end of the day I was soooooooooooooooooo annoyed that I wanted comfort food. And I made a conscious decision to eat shitty food. Then I spent an hour on the phone with Starr thinking about the ramifications of my action. She continuously asked, "So you eat, and then what?"
I don't know.
In the end I cried because before the fast I was constantly thinking about NOT eating, and now that I'm not eating, I was constantly thinking about eating and craving all bad food. Do you see how fucking annoying that is? Add my period AND a day of irritation and I was just in a bad mental state.
Granted, the website says that thinking is completely ridiculous and not to be trusted, and my heart was also swelling and taunting, "Yeah, bitch. Try to eat. See what happens." And I knew that deep down in my heart of hearts there was no way I was going to touch a morsel of food.
The spiritual side of me was correct. In the war of spiritual vs. flesh, spiritual kicked ass. Flesh hasn't said shit since.
The cravings are still there a LITTLE, but not at all like they've been for the past couple of days. I think I've reached that "zone" and "silence." It's nice. All I'm thinking about is this essay.
Temptation comes at me all the time, but I'm learning that there is more than meets me the eye. I don't need all that crap, I've had it before, and that's why I'm in the predicament I'm in now. And I'm really looking forward to eating all those bad things healthily! (Like waffles...I can't wait to buy my own waffle iron and go get some whole grain pancake mix and make blueberry whole grain waffles and pancakes. With organic butter and syrup! Or whole grain muffins with organic butter and syrup. And salmon. And tasty chicken. And steamed veggies with yummy spices. See...I can eat well and bad.)
So...now it's jut getting to the end of the fast. Clearly I won't be eating. I'll most likely decide when the best time is to break the fast as the days wear on. My short term goal is 21 days, but 30 days if I can make it. I definitely think I can make it.
I'm so happy today. After that break down last night I just feel uplifted like I can do ANYTHING. And it totally rocks. Today it was gorgeous outside!! They planted purple flowers in the median of the highway and they were gorgeous. Such a clear day. And it felt amazing outside.
So...yipppee!! Off to my essay.
Day 9 scale: 149.4
Day 10 scale: 147.0
Friday, October 19, 2007
Day 8
Hello void.
Scale: 149.4 lbs. I'm right, the cravings are the worst between 7 and 10pm. Yesterday I was good up until I saw a huge pumpkin full of candy...i had to lick the inside of the reese's.
Surprisingly, it tasted the same. I had a sip of Starr's Arizona Iced Tea the other day and it tasted WAY different, way more tangy. But the reese's and the gum tasted the same....so.....I ono.
Its funny how we crave all the bad stuff, but I think there's a justification for that: for years I've been stuffing my stomach with "bad" fuel. So as they're emptying out of my body, my body is craving more because that's what it's used to using as fuel. The problem with this is that "bad" fuel also help me put on 20 lbs....of fat. And that bad fuel fat is now being burned AS energy. So I feel crappy.
But I read this thing on the website (freedomyou.com) and it said the worse it is, the better the outcome. That alone saved me from not eating yesterday. Ohhhh my gosh. And I'd be kind of disappointed if I stopped now and pigged out (instead of continuing the raw food diet).
Plus: if I don't try, I'll never ever find out if I can succeed in this business. It's day 8. I've lost 11 pounds. Yeah, I feel crappy, but I can't wait for how happy I'm going to be when the photographer's see me and snap those photos. If it doesn't work out (with the industry), then it doesn't work out. But at least I tried. And I believe it will work out...
Update 7:16pm: Yep. Cravings are bad. This just proves how awful I've been eating for the past couple of months. JEEZE. I could never allow myself to quit but temptation is trying to close in. I. WIll. Succeed.
Scale: 149.4 lbs. I'm right, the cravings are the worst between 7 and 10pm. Yesterday I was good up until I saw a huge pumpkin full of candy...i had to lick the inside of the reese's.
Surprisingly, it tasted the same. I had a sip of Starr's Arizona Iced Tea the other day and it tasted WAY different, way more tangy. But the reese's and the gum tasted the same....so.....I ono.
Its funny how we crave all the bad stuff, but I think there's a justification for that: for years I've been stuffing my stomach with "bad" fuel. So as they're emptying out of my body, my body is craving more because that's what it's used to using as fuel. The problem with this is that "bad" fuel also help me put on 20 lbs....of fat. And that bad fuel fat is now being burned AS energy. So I feel crappy.
But I read this thing on the website (freedomyou.com) and it said the worse it is, the better the outcome. That alone saved me from not eating yesterday. Ohhhh my gosh. And I'd be kind of disappointed if I stopped now and pigged out (instead of continuing the raw food diet).
Plus: if I don't try, I'll never ever find out if I can succeed in this business. It's day 8. I've lost 11 pounds. Yeah, I feel crappy, but I can't wait for how happy I'm going to be when the photographer's see me and snap those photos. If it doesn't work out (with the industry), then it doesn't work out. But at least I tried. And I believe it will work out...
Update 7:16pm: Yep. Cravings are bad. This just proves how awful I've been eating for the past couple of months. JEEZE. I could never allow myself to quit but temptation is trying to close in. I. WIll. Succeed.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Day 7
Weight: 150.2 lbs
Yesterday I looked in the mirror and saw some I guess acne...they were pink, maybe three spots on my right cheek, but today they're starting to go away. I was forewarned about it, but I almost did a little freak out.
Yesterday was all right. TOwards the end of the night I started to crave everything, and this heiffer in one of my classes opened up a tupperware full of spaghetti across the room and I instantly knew what it was without looking. It smelled delicious.
Mostly at night there are recurring thoughts of "eat....just do it..." especially about Ruby Tuesday's burger....oh my gosh.
I dont feel well today, my stomach is like FEED ME>
Yesterday I looked in the mirror and saw some I guess acne...they were pink, maybe three spots on my right cheek, but today they're starting to go away. I was forewarned about it, but I almost did a little freak out.
Yesterday was all right. TOwards the end of the night I started to crave everything, and this heiffer in one of my classes opened up a tupperware full of spaghetti across the room and I instantly knew what it was without looking. It smelled delicious.
Mostly at night there are recurring thoughts of "eat....just do it..." especially about Ruby Tuesday's burger....oh my gosh.
I dont feel well today, my stomach is like FEED ME>
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