Day 2

Technically last night counted as Day 1, but I was too tired at 1am (oooh, big bad bedtime) to even write.

Last night I got off work at 9, went over to my model friend Christin's house and got ready for this uber chic magazine and photographer combination party. Woohoo! Entire point of me going: To network. I'm the network QUEEN. If there's a party, I'm bound to find out the "most relevant" people pertaining to MY situation and gently schmooze them. Gently. I don't do that whole:

"Hi, I'm Italy, what's your name?"

"Jim Stamos, nice to meet you."

"What do you do?"

"I'm a photographer."

"OH MY GOSH I'D LOVE TO SHOOT WITH YOU WHAT'S YOUR PHONE NUMBER?!?!?"

(This situation applies in the business world, too....maybe more so in the business world...) Anywho, gentle schmoozing works, and I got a couple of AWESOME contacts and after I lose this weight I'll post the photos from the shoots.

(BY the way: I just went to publish this and it didn't, and I lost half of this so this is me doing it over again......fucking a.) Anyways, back to motivation, I gently schmoozed a couple of photographer's, I didn't get to talk to anyone with the magazine, but I think I'll just email the editor-in-chief and call it a day. I was also happy to find that I was one of the taller model's there, and probably tied, or in second, for fattest. :) Woohoo!!

Overall it was a success, I made some awesome contacts that I can't wait to work with and really focus on my "new" book after I'm done with this weight!!!

I had one drink: water with a lemon slice at the rim. I went back to the car and my stomach felt empty so I drank an entire bottle of water before I was in the middle of a police roadblock, got a citation for a three month old tag:

"WHY is she standing there looking at my tag still? It's not going to change. Like, ferseriously, she's been staring at it for twenty minutes and the numbers haven't magically moved once, I guarantee it."

An epiphany happened at the roadblock as Christin and I were literally CHILLIN on the side of the road (as a driver in a Ferrarri WHIZZED by the police) and I wondered if it had been a different friend would I have reacted differently. For the most part (other than the previous statement) I was calm, and super nice and happy to the policewoman. She wasn't being a bitch, so why should I ? But I could easily see that if a different friend had been here, would I have been angry? Frustrated? Pissed that I didn't go with the other route? Interesting.

I had two dreams last night about food, each the same incident occurring in a different way. I dreamt, twice, that I had unconsciously taken a bite of food to eat (just ONE bite) and swallowed, then instantly realized that I blew my fast...but was like "oh, well, I'll just keep going." So....weird. Its subconsciously in my brain somewhere though, that's all this tells me. I WILL NOT EAT DAMNIT!

Not eating is surprisingly easy....I feel a benign hunger right now, but thats only because my daily regimen is to eat inthe morning and continue throughout the day. SO....meh.

Update: 8.30pm: So...today I went shopping with my best buddy and roommie, Star. We found nothing. Went to another mall, nothing. The entire drive (Atlanta is super spread out) I was daydreaming about bread....with butter. And usually a trip to the mall warrants a dinner at Ruby Tuesday's, Cheesecake Factory, Olive Garden, or Maggiano's and knowing that today there wasn't going to be one I was sad. I can't help but think about Ruby Tuesday's burgers...special sauce...OH MY GOSH yummmm.

So we were invited to a barbeque...and I didn't think it was going to be as tempting as I thought. The first ten to twenty minutes were the WORST. They had macaroni and cheese, baked chicken, greens (ew), and cheeseburgers. I'm like....you just HAD to wait this far into the semester to have a housewarming bbq??!?! WTF?!

I really really wanted to just put some mac'n cheese in my mouth and savor the taste and spit it out, but I knew that would be cheating and would end in disappointment and depression. The worst part of it was when we sat down in the living room and the entire room was silent because they were DIVING into their food. So I turned to the TV, where some soft porn was going on (again; WTF?!?) and that murdered my appetite.

Day 2 almost complete!! WOOHOO!!

PS: So I had Star take some photos of me this morning (via polaroid) just to document this entire thing....well, I must say, the camera does. not. lie. I didn't know I looked THAT bad (although Polaroids do have a tendency to make you look worse...)...still. eeks.

PPS: I weighed myself earlier today before a shower: 157.6