Day 4

Today was awful. We went shopping (again). The smells drove me CRAZY. I was weak and without energy so my stupid ass decided to get a smoothie...I asked her if they used whole fruit, she said yes, but i saw some "lemonade" go into the mix...when I tasted it it was almost pure sugar. It messed up my stomach so i had a little more than half and gave the rest to Star.

We passed Cinnabon....ohhhhhh my gosh. Orgasm. I thought about every food imaginable today. Panda express...olive garden breadsticks and alfredo...pb&j...frosting...any and every kind of pasta imagineable...parmesan cheese...burritos...in n' out, steak n' shake, jack in the box, mcdonald's bacon egg and cheese biscuit *YUMM*, waffle house...cheeseburgers!!!!

Then we went into Ikea and (stupid again) perused the swedish food section...a thought crossed in the back of my mind:

"Go ahead, eat it...you can be a normal person, you don't have to model...eat it."

I ALMOST LISTENED TO THE LITTLE VOICE. For about three seconds I was entirely convinced that I was just a normal ass person, not on a diet, and almost bought whatever food it was (I think it was some kind of Swedish dessert...sounds like me, eh?). I CANNOT believe I thought that!!!!

Then my friend Casey made some really good smelling (and tasting, I put some in my mouth, chewed, and spit it out) marinara breaded chicken parmesan penne pasta....holy crap.

Today has by far been the hardest day, but I've learnt my lesson: no smoothies, no chewing and spitting out.

"It's like you're bullimic, but instead you voluntarily spit it out..."
-Casey on me bent over the kitchen trash spitting out chicken.

Never doing that again. Cravings are at the WORST.

Weight: 153.0