Day 1

Hello void. My name is Italy and I have a fucking food complex. Hmm...how does a twenty year old somewhat intelligent college student obtain a food complex? Simple. A better question might be, who doesn't have a food complex these days!?!?!?

Am I fat? Not really, no, although my "regular sized" clothes (size 4 jeans in Express) don't fit. When I first tried to lose some weight (earlier this year) I started at 150 lbs, and within a month and a psychotic workout and "nutrition" (coughDIEtcough...heavy on the die) I lost 10 lbs and weighed a miraculous 140 lbs. Then after Spring Break in Miami (and some photoshoots) my piece of shit Audi died and I had no way to get to the gym.

Then, I went home for the summer and *surprise surprise* gained more weight with my Chinese step mother's fantastic cooking. So....a couple of weeks ago when I realized that there was NOTHING in my closet my obese ass could fit in...I got a job at the gym.

So here I am, 160 lbs (20 lbs heavier than my smallest point this year, and 10 lbs heavier than Valentine's Day of this year) and working at the gym. But you know how when you start working somewhere, you no longer want to spend any extra time there that's more than necessary?! So...yeah. That was my dilemma, too.

Yesterday I was offered a modeling job overseas, and was very sorry to have to tell the photographer that I'm no where near swimwear shape. It makes me so angry and frustrated, but self sabotage (as far as food is concerned) is a never ending concept.

So yesterday, I said fuck it. Fuck food. No more food. Well....I can't starve myself, but I can fast. Now, yes, the majority of my reason for fasting is due to weight loss...but I'm also trying to completely break off my psychological sabotage. I'm sick of it. I hate the extremes of the spectrum where I'm either calorie counting carrots or ravenously bingeing a chipotle burrito. Clearly, straddling the line between starving and bingeing has put me here. Another reason for the fast is so I can play in the spiritual world.

So, goals: lose weight, break of psychological addiction to sabotaging food (self control), having a fresh starting point, and to get closer to God.

--Day 1--
I woke up and went to Whole Foods, where I was inundated with "100%" fruit juice bottles. I felt like Neo in the Matrix when he asked for guns, and a billion rows came flying at him. I started noticing the difference between labels, they all claimed to be 100% juice, but some were from concentrate, "naturally" enhanced with other flavors, some even had fructose corn syrup (artificial sugar thats REALLY bad for you). So which bottle is the golden ticket to fat flushing??

"Excuse, me sir, what does 'from concentrate' mean?"

"Well...what exactly are you looking for?"

"Juice, like the kind that someone less lazy than me would put fruit in a juicer...and drink it."

"Not from concentrate."

Thank you. So...some are more expensive than others, but I got the cheapest, purest kind I could find, starting with; Carrot juice, naturally enhanced with lemon juice, Apple juice from my home county (haha, how delighted I was!!!), and a blend of cranberry, pear, grape, and apple juice.

So for the past week now I'd been bringing carrots to work and eating them in the morning, so I thought I'd start out with the carrot juice. Tastes....different than what I was expecting, but actually after a couple of swigs quite addicting.

I'm here at work with a huge surge of energy! I texted my friend that I felt like I was on happy crack. I'm all smiles, pleasure, and giddiness. And best of all, my evil coworker can't steal my carrots anymore!!!!

I'm most concerned about my psychological addiction to food. For the most part, I used to eat when I wasn't hungry. If I was hungry, I'd overeat simply because the food was there and I didn't know when my next meal would be (being a broke college student will do this to you). I also would eat waaaaaaaaaaaaay too fast. Burritos and sandwiches have been known to literally disafuckingppear right in front of my face. Hunger pains I'm not too worried about, it's the lack of actually chewing food in my mouth that's going to kick me the most.

Because I'm at work for my first day, I started out with juices, but during the weekend it's my plan to drink only water (I need to lose the weight!!!!). Supposedly (for most) the first three days are the worst and then hunger **disappears**.

My first attempt at fasting will be at least 21 days, if I can make it to 30 I'm going to try. Tiz all for now, will update as soon as something interesting happens. :)

Day 1 Measurements: 36-28-40.5
Day 1 Weight: 159.8 lbs.

Update: 5.12pm: Like I predicted, it's not so much that I'm hungry, than me actually psychologically being USED to eating. Hunger pains are minimal, nothing to even barely groan about...but then again, each time I feel "hungry"I swallow some apple or carrot juice. Mostly my feet are tired from standing up all damn day. Tomorrow I'm going to start wiening myself off of the juice and add a LOT more water.

Oh, and, uh...I've been to the bathroom like seven times today.